The Ultimate Sacrifice
by Griselda Banks
Summary: Oneshot. Ed is sure he has the answer this time, the perfect solution to getting Al's body back. But Equivalent Trade isn't so easy to avoid, and often the alchemist must give up more than he ever dreamed would be asked of him. No pairings.


**Author's Note: Happy FMA Day! (A bit late, sorry. I hate being an adult T_T) I originally got this idea from CaptainKase's amazing fic _Shattered,_ specifically a part in chapter 16 where Ed enthuses that he's found a way to fuel human transmutation with love. I've always thought that was a fascinating concept, even beyond what CaptainKase did in that fic. What if you were able to give up more abstract things than just limbs and organs? Even though I first read that fic years and years ago, that little idea has stuck with me, until finally this year I had the right inspiration to give it form. I'm so excited to finally be able to share it with everyone!**

 _Torn up, thrown away  
I love you more each day  
Fade from black and white  
Just stay and make this right  
One more chance, I'll take it  
Here's my heart, now break it_

…

 _Even if I lose you in the end  
It was worth it just to feel something again_

 _\- "Feel Something Again" by Lovers and Liars_

* * *

Looking back on it, Al realized they should have known it was too good to be true. Nothing was ever so easy, not when it came to Equivalent Trade. They should have remembered the other time they were drastically, horribly wrong about the price they'd have to pay. But Ed's fatal flaw was how he would risk the world, give up everything for Al's sake. And Al's fatal flaw was his devotion to his brother. Normally, both were good things, tying them inseparably together. But Al was a little _too_ ready to believe in Ed's genius. He would support Ed's plans, because even if they were only based on hunches rather than actual evidence...well, his hunches were usually right.

So when Ed came bursting into their hotel room, pages of notes scattering in a Hansel-and-Gretel trail down the hallways (and probably all the way back to the library), shouting that he finally had the answer, Al responded with surprise and disbelief, but not skepticism.

Al listened from where he knelt on the floor at the coffee table as Ed launched right into the middle of his explanation, waving hastily-sketched diagrams and then flinging them over his shoulder to join the scattered pile behind him. Al didn't think he had _ever_ seen his brother so excited. "Wait, slow down, back up," Al said, holding up his hands. "Start at the beginning."

With obvious effort, Ed closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and set his stack of notes on the table. But he couldn't seem to contain his restless energy, so he started pacing, gesturing widely as he spoke. "You know what we've gotta do to get your body back, right? All we have to do is open your Door and pull it back out of there."

"But—"

"I know, I know, the toll. We have to find something equal to the value of your body, something that we can afford to give up. And _I've got it, Al._ " He turned back to his brother, a huge grin splitting his face. "Love."

"Love?"

Ed walked up to Al and knelt in front of him, putting his hands on Al's enormous spiky shoulders. At last he seemed to have calmed down. His golden eyes softened as they looked up into Al's, glowing as warm as sunshine. "Al...my love for you is infinite. Nothing could _ever_ take it away, and no matter how much I give you, there'll always be more. So it doesn't matter _how_ much the Truth takes. I'll have enough left to pay for your body ten times over."

"Brother..." Al didn't know what to say. His brother wasn't usually very vocal about his affection. He demonstrated his love in other ways, and it was apparent to everyone how much he loved Al. He just didn't like to talk about it very much. In a moment of crisis, something might burst out, but usually if Al wanted to hear any kind of statement of love, he would have to say something first. Even then, Ed would blush and look away and mumble, _Love you too, Al._

Yet here he was, looking directly at Al and giving him the most amazing declaration of love he'd ever heard. And how could he question Ed's plan after that? He looked so confident, so sure that there was no limit to the love shining in his eyes. It made Al feel small, so unworthy of this enormous gift. But it also made him feel safe.

Ed leaned in and hugged him, because he knew how much Al liked it even though he couldn't feel a thing. "Sorry it took me so long to figure this out, brother. But you won't have to wait much longer."

"We don't even _need_ the Philosopher's Stone," Al murmured in amazement. "The answer was here the whole time!" A sudden thought occurred to him, and he pushed Ed back just far enough to look into his eyes again. "Brother...once I get my body back...I'm using this same method to get your arm and leg back. Because my love for you is infinite too."

With a short laugh that did nothing to disguise the tears springing to his eyes, Ed sat back on his heels. "You're such a copycat, Al."

* * *

Getting his body back was nothing like Al had imagined—which was saying something, since he'd daydreamed of nothing else for over four years. But whenever he'd thought ahead to the day he could finally be normal again, he'd imagined leaping up, hugging his brother, and then rushing out to celebrate with cake and ice cream.

But instead of waking up as soon as he opened his eyes, his consciousness returned in waves. He slid through layers of awareness, as though his brain could only process one new sensation at a time. He surfaced long enough to realize that he could feel something soft and warm on top of him—and he remembered what _soft_ and _warm_ meant at last. Then he returned to the black unknowing, only to surface briefly and realize there was a sour, metallic taste in his mouth. Sometimes there was pain—formless, sourceless, till sometimes he wondered if it was pain at all, and not just _being._ Sometimes he heard a jumble of sounds he couldn't decipher, until an unfamiliar woman's voice would break through the cloud: "You have to breathe, honey. Can you breathe for me? That's it, hon. That's my good boy."

In his more lucid moments, he wondered who that voice was. Mom? No...Mom was dead. Besides, she always called him 'sweetie.' Not Winry, the voice was too low. Not Master either—'honey' to her was her husband. He never could figure out who was speaking to him, but he tried to follow her instructions. He tried to remember how to breathe, because she always sounded so happy when he succeeded.

Then one time he surfaced from the darkness, he realized one of the sounds he kept hearing was a constant, annoying beeping sound. He recognized it from the many times he'd been forced to sit by his brother's bedside, wondering if Ed would ever wake up. That beeping sound meant he was in a hospital. Made sense. Obviously his body was in pretty bad shape after four years of sitting in an empty white void.

He remembered that place now. He remembered everything the fear had blotted out. He knew everything the Truth had shown him, and finally he understood how his brother could perform alchemy without a circle.

But once he realized he was in a hospital, he realized he needed to wake up for real. Ed was probably sitting by his bedside now, as Al had done for him so many times, wondering if he would ever be the same. And Al couldn't bear to put him through that anguish any longer than he had to.

Finally, with a colossal amount of effort, Al managed to open his eyes and focus on his surroundings. He looked around, and discovered that he was in a private hospital room like many he had seen before. It was a little different looking at it all from the bed, of course, and knowing that the constant beeping noise came from his _own_ heart.

A nurse puttering around the room noticed he was awake and immediately started checking his vitals, but there was no one else in the room. Al's heart sank; he'd expected Ed to be there when he woke up, ready to greet him with a bright smile and a gentle touch, ready to celebrate reaching their goal at last. Still, maybe he'd just gone to the bathroom or something.

It took a lot more effort to speak now than it had a suit of armor. But somehow he managed to mumble, "Whur's m' brother?"

He had to repeat himself a few times, but eventually the nurse understood what he was trying to say. "I'm afraid I don't know, hon," she said with a sympathetic smile. "There's a Colonel Roy Mustang who put down his information as your emergency contact; shall I let him know you've woken up?"

Al nodded, suddenly remembering that he had convinced his brother to get Mustang to be present at the transmutation, in case they needed help afterward. Maybe Mustang could explain what had happened.

He was too anxious to sleep, even in his state, but he dozed until he heard someone coming into the room and softly talking to someone else. When he opened his eyes, he saw the wonderfully familiar colonel and his faithful lieutenant. They weren't in uniform; their slightly disheveled appearance and casual assortment of clothes suggested to Al that they had come in a hurry. He hoped he hadn't woken them in the middle of the night, but there were more important things to worry about first.

"Colonel Mustang!" he cried. His tongue was still clumsy, but it was improving by the minute as he remembered how to talk.

Both smiled as they approached the bed, one on either side. "We came as soon as we heard," Mustang said. "I'm sorry no one was here when you woke up; they won't let us stay here around the clock. Only family—"

Hawkeye shot him a look that Al couldn't decipher, and Mustang's mouth snapped shut. But Al wasn't deterred. "Where's Brother?"

Mustang glanced at a machine that must have been the heart monitor, since the beeping was increasing as Al's heart pounded. "He's not hurt," Mustang said quickly. "He's perfectly fine."

Al frowned in confusion. "Then why isn't he here?"

Mustang and Hawkeye exchanged another inscrutable glance, then Mustang pulled up a chair and sat down so he could look Al in the eye. "I...I think something went wrong with the transmutation. That's...the only explanation I can think of."

A horrible pressure weighed down on Al's chest, a sick sense of foreboding that told him he wouldn't like what he was about to hear. "What do you mean?"

Hawkeye sat down as well and took Al's hand in both of hers. But not even the warm comfort of her touch could distract him from Mustang, who was staring morosely at his own hands in his lap. "I wish there was a way to break this to you gently, Alphonse, but..." He sighed. "You two told me you were intending to use Ed's love for you to pay the Equivalent Trade?"

Al nodded clumsily, his heart in his throat.

Mustang clasped his hands together, as if praying for the strength to continue. "Well...it worked. Ed used his love for you as the payment. All of it."

* * *

It was hard for Al to believe or even understand what Mustang was trying to tell him until he saw Ed with his own eyes. He wouldn't take no for an answer, so as soon as Al was strong enough to stay awake for longer than ten minutes, Mustang brought Ed to the hospital.

When he heard his brother's voice in the hall, Al's heart leapt into his throat and the heart monitor's beeping sped up in response to the blood pounding in his ears. He waited in agony as the sound of footsteps drew closer to the open door of his room.

"...see why I have to come all the way here," Ed was saying.

"Because he's your brother," Mustang said shortly. His voice sounded tight and irritated, as it often did while speaking to Ed, but there was some extra sharpness in his voice this time.

"So?" Ed said sullenly as he and Mustang stepped through the door.

Al tried to pretend he hadn't heard any of that, and smiled brightly at them. "Hi, Brother!"

"Hi," Ed replied impatiently, then turned to Mustang. "Can I go now?"

His casual dismissal stung more than Al liked to admit. "Do...you know who I am?" he asked hesitantly. Maybe he just didn't recognize Al in this frail, emaciated body.

Ed rolled his eyes in such a painfully familiar way that Al almost dared to hope. " _Duh,_ you're my brother. But I've got better things to do than sit around here all day. C'mon, Colonel, you dragged me all the way over here. Gimme a lift to the library."

Mustang shot Al an apologetic look and frowned in frustration at Ed. "Don't you care even a _little_ bit about your brother's condition? Don't you want to check on his recovery?"

Ed crossed his arms and huffed impatiently. "How many times do I have to explain this? I traded my _love_ for Al to get his body back." His lip curled on the word 'love', turning it into a disgusted sneer. "And a fat lot of good it did; how's he going to be useful like that? Should've left him as a suit of armor. See? Now he's crying. Armor doesn't cry; he'd be a lot less annoying that way."

Al trembled as word after scathing word crashed down on him, as painful as physical blows. As brothers, he and Ed had been angry with each other on countless occasions. Ed had argued with him, yelled at him, called him names, even fought with him and hit him. But never in his whole life had he heard Ed address him so coldly, or looked at him with eyes that were so...dead. Empty. Like he was looking at a wall.

But Al needed to hear it from Ed's own lips before he could believe it, so he asked the one question he dreaded most. "Brother...somewhere deep down in your heart...don't you love me at all?"

Ed turned his stony face to him and said, "Are you an idiot? What part of this don't you get, Al? I _hate_ you."

And as Ed turned to leave, Al curled up on his side and cried harder than he ever had in his whole life.

* * *

For an unknown stretch of time, Al knew nothing but darkness. He opened his eyes, he was aware of motion around him and sensations brushing against his consciousness, but nothing penetrated the thick dome of darkness that seemed to have closed over him. There was no reason to move, or think, or respond. No reason to keep living, because how could anything be worth sticking around for when the most important person in the world hated him?

But one day, he opened his eyes and saw the dark, steam-filled basement again, where his brother sprawled amid the ruins of their circle and the failed inhuman _thing_ they'd created. Blood poured from the stump of Ed's leg as he dragged himself over to the fallen suit of armor and smeared his blood on it to create a circle. "Not my brother," he gasped, trembling all over. "Please... He's my little brother; he's all I have left! My leg...my arms...my heart...I'll give them to you, whatever you want! Just give him back! HE'S MY BROTHER!"

He blinked, and he was a suit of armor again, trudging along the side of the river in Risenpool, hunting through the bushes and grumbling to himself. Ah, he remembered now—Ed had been even more short-tempered than usual today because he was starting to walk on his automail for the first time, and he was in constant pain. He and Al had gotten into an argument, and Al had stormed off to the river where he always went after a bad fight. But he was still learning how to control his new body too, so he'd tripped and made his helmet fall off, and now he couldn't find it.

Then he heard a shrill, panicked cry in the distance. "Al! Al!"

Al immediately set off running as fast as he could in the direction of the voice. He knew that voice, and he knew the sound of real fear. But when he clomped loudly over the hill, he found Ed standing by the river and holding Al's helmet, which was dripping with water. He looked up at Al, his eyes full of fear and tears, and then collapsed at Al's feet.

Eventually, Al pieced together that Ed had gone to find him as he always did when Al ran off to the river, but then he'd seen Al's helmet floating by and assumed the worst. Kneeling there, leaning against Al's breastplate and still clutching the helmet in a death-grip, Ed had ignored Al's worry over his left leg, which had begun to bleed around the port.

"Don't ever... _ever_ leave me, Al," Ed sobbed. "Even if I'm stupid...even if you hate me... Just please...don't die. Promise you won't die!"

"I can't promise that," Al said sadly, carefully placing his hand on Ed's left shoulder. "But I _can_ promise that I'll stay as long as I possibly can. As long as I have anything to say about it...I'm not going to leave you. I swear."

Ed sniffled loudly and scrubbed a hand across his eyes. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I know I'm a handful. But...without you, I just...there's no reason to keep going."

"You _are_ a handful, Brother," Al said softly. "But that's okay. I've got two hands."

Al blinked again, and he was back in his hospital room. He weakly pushed himself to a sitting position and wiped his tears away. Hawkeye, who was sitting by his bed, looked up in surprise.

Meeting her questioning gaze with one of resolute determination, Al said, "When can I get out of this bed? I need to hurry up and get my brother back to normal."

* * *

Al supposed his friends were surprised at how hard he tried to recover. They probably expected him to collapse into depression and waste away without a massive amount of effort on their part. But as heavy as his heart was to think of how his brother had changed, Al knew he couldn't give up. Every time he grew discouraged at how slowly his starved body was recovering, he remembered Ed screaming in pain as he repeatedly closed his automail hand in a fist and opened it again. And every time someone told him to slow down or take it easy, he would gasp, _Every day is another 24 hours Al has to spend like that._

How could he give up on Ed when Ed had never given up on him?

So Al pushed forward when he would rather curl up in a ball and wallow in his misery. Thankfully, he had many friends who supported and encouraged him through the process. Winry came all the way from Risenpool when she heard the news, and stayed with the Hugheses while Al was still in the hospital. Once he was finally discharged, Hughes actually invited him to stay with them while he still had to see a physical therapist and dietitian to get completely back to normal. Mustang dropped by two or three times a week to check on him, always bringing one or two of the others from the office so they could visit too.

Al couldn't have asked for a better support system as he recovered, and he loved being able to share his new experiences with his friends. He loved eating Gracia's pie, smelling the flowers Winry brought in from the garden, or hugging little Elysia, who always gave him a wet kiss on the cheek. He started playing chess with Mustang, going on leisurely walks with Hawkeye, and chatting comfortably with the others. He loved being able to feel laughter bubbling up inside him and bursting out as he listened to Hughes's running commentary on the pictures he took seemingly every five minutes.

But there was a sadness and a tension in every day. They usually tried to pretend it didn't exist, but everyone (except perhaps Elysia) was aware of a dampening of the joy they should be experiencing with Al back in his body at last.

Because no matter who came over to visit or what they did to help Al relearn all the things he'd missed as a suit of armor, Ed was never there. He never joined them at the Hugheses' house, and he wasn't there to help Al or share in his joy. Nothing could make up for that. Al did his best to hide his misery from the others, but every night he cried himself to sleep. He almost wished he didn't have a body, if it meant he had to feel this empty weight pressing down on him at every moment.

It seemed that Ed was still around. He still went on missions, still left mass destruction and hefty bills in his wake, and still spent his remaining time looking for the Philosopher's Stone. When Al asked him about it, Mustang carefully said that Ed had told him he still wanted to get his limbs back, so he would continue to work for the military until he found the Stone. While Al had always insisted that he make sure he got _his_ body back too, not just Al's, he found himself almost...disappointed. He'd always had to remind and almost _nag_ Ed to think of getting his own limbs back, but now that was his main goal. It made sense, because without his love for Al, what else would be his priority? But a piece of the selfless brother he'd always admired was missing now.

Al felt uncomfortable to think that way at first. Surely he was just exaggerating his own sense of importance? But then, love was what made people sacrifice their own needs and desires. Funny, how Ed's greatest sacrifice had taken away the reason he'd wanted to sacrifice in the first place.

But finally Al decided he had waited long enough. He had his strength and coordination back, and he had practiced transmuting without a circle. He was ready to offer his services to his brother.

It killed him to think of going to his own brother like it was an audition or a job interview, but he knew this was the only way he could stay close to Ed and help him. If he couldn't speak to Ed's heart, at least he could appeal to his mind.

Predictably, he found Ed at the library. Unpredictably, it had been burned to the ground. Ed was already in a towering rage, ranting to the two bodyguards who had been assigned to him since Scar was in the area. Thankfully, he and Ed had been completely engrossed in their research to bring Al's body back when Scar had been in East City, so they had never had the misfortune of running into him. Still, Al was grateful Ed had bodyguards in this dangerous time.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Ed snapped as soon as he saw Al.

Al forced himself not to flinch at Ed's harsh tone, but to meet his eyes and speak firmly. "I want to help you find the Stone."

"I'm not going to let _you_ have any of it," Ed said nastily. "I've already given you way more than you deserve."

Al had no trouble admitting that was true. "I don't want any of it for myself," he said calmly. "I just want to help you get your body back to normal."

Ed looked genuinely confused. "Why?"

Al stared at Ed in frustration, longing for the days when they hardly even needed _words_ to communicate. "Because I love you, Brother," he said, clenching his jaw against the tears that threatened to well up. "Whether you love me back anymore or not, I still do. I always will, no matter what. And that means I want what's best for you. So I'll help you however I can."

When Ed looked like he wanted to protest, Al spoke over him. "And I don't care how much or how little you like me, Brother. You _know_ I'm the best partner you could have. I've studied the same texts you have, I know everything you got from the Truth, and I've never once lost a fight against you. You need me on your side."

Ed scowled, crossing his arms. "Prove it. Prove you can be useful to me."

"Okay," Al said, thinking quickly. "You need something from this library, right? Why don't you see if you can find that one librarian with the glasses and the brown hair? She always seemed to know a lot about the materials."

And even Ed had to grudgingly admit it was a good place to start.

* * *

It was such a pitiful simulacrum of what they used to have that sometimes Al wanted to just give up and let Ed go his own way, but this was all he had now. Mismatched and horribly awkward though the relationship had become, Ed was still his brother and his best friend. He had to remember that and treat him accordingly, just as Ed had always treated him as a human being though he was nothing but a suit of armor.

So Al stayed at Ed's side, even though it hurt more than he'd ever dreamed it could. Ed's logical side had to concede that Al's presence was helpful, as they studied the materials Scieszka wrote out for them and then infiltrated the Fifth Laboratory. He was the second-best alchemist in the country, and after months of practice as his body regained its strength, he was one of the best fighters too. The Elric brothers still made an excellent team, rounding out each other's shortcomings and knowing exactly where they would be the most effective.

But everything was so different now. Without the love that had bound them together their whole lives, the only thing left for Ed to feel towards him were the negative sentiments. He would fight with Al before, of course—like any brother, especially one with such a short fuse, he would argue and bicker and snap and yell since before they could remember. He would tease Al, sometimes mercilessly or even cruelly. He would complain and get annoyed at one thing or another that Al did or said.

But always before, no matter how angry or scornful Ed might be in the moment, there was a certain _warmth_ to every interaction that subconsciously told Al that they still loved each other. Ed would never stay angry for long, and he always apologized—even if only in a very awkward, roundabout way. But now, Al felt nothing but coldness in any interaction they had. Ed treated him worse than a stranger—strangers were capable of arousing mild sympathy in him, but Ed only ever looked at him with anger or complete indifference.

The worst part of all was that none of his other relationships had been damaged. He still bantered back and forth with Mustang in a way that made it clear to all who knew them that they were secretly enjoying themselves. He still laughed at Hughes, chatted with the others in the office, and got that bright look in his eyes while talking to Winry. Every interaction made it obvious that he still loved all his friends...but he didn't love Al.

The others took their cue from Al and tried to act as though nothing had changed, but it was obvious how strained they became when the brothers were both there. Any time Ed ignored Al or snapped nastily at him or even physically shoved him aside, the others would grow tense and wary. It was obvious they were comparing Ed's behavior now to the way it had been before—always ready to leap to Al's defense, always looking to Al first, able to communicate at a glance.

So Al stopped joining Ed when he would spend time with the others. Unless he needed to be there to get needed information, he would stay in their room and keep researching, or just wander off on his own for a while. It was lonely, but that was still better than enduring sidelong glances in his direction or Ed's hateful looks melting into grins and laughter as soon as his attention turned to the others. Besides, they would all be happier without him around anyway.

Perhaps the most painful realization was that Ed was miserable too, and there was nothing he could do about it. Sometimes, he would hear Ed sniffling quietly in the middle of the night, muffling his tears in his pillow. Once he overheard him talking to Winry in a rare moment of vulnerability.

"I just feel so...empty," he said, staring out across the hills from where they sat on the front porch of the Rockbells' house. "Like I'm...missing something, but I don't know what."

"I think you know what," Winry said quietly.

Ed sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. " _Don't_ make this conversation about Al again, Winry," he said wearily.

Al, where he sat in the shadows of the balcony above them, held still and barely breathed as he listened to their soft voices.

"But it _is_ about Al," Winry said. "That's what you're missing—you're missing Al."

Ed snorted, and Al cringed even though he was out of sight. "I don't _miss_ Al. How could I, when he won't leave me alone?"

"Ed, just stop focusing on how he makes you _feel_ for a second and think: What does he _mean_ to you?"

For a long time, Ed was silent, and Al was sure he didn't intend to reply. But then he sighed and hugged his knees closer to his chest. "I don't know. I just...I mean, I know what it used to be like. I can remember everything. I know we used to get along, and when I'd look at him... You know how sometimes you look at someone you love, and it just kind of hits you all at once—'Wow, this person is amazing.' And you feel like saying something, but you usually don't because they already know?"

"I think I know what you mean."

When he heard Winry's voice, Al suddenly realized she was probably looking at Ed that way right now.

"With Al...that would happen every day. I remember that. I know it as well as I know my own name. I know that I would look at him, and sometimes I would stop for a second and think, 'Wow.' But...I don't remember why. I don't remember what it feels like to look at Al and think anything other than, 'Oh. You again.' That's why I get so angry, you know? I know I should love him, that I should feel...something. Anything. But instead there's this awful...gap. It's like he walks into the room and a whole chunk gets torn out of the world. Nothing's right when he's around, or even when I think about him, like now. It just...makes me _so mad_ that it feels so awful, and I know it's all my own fault. If I just hadn't done that stupid transmutation..."

Al sat in the darkness, long after they'd gone back inside, and didn't even bother to wipe his tears away. He longed to go comfort his brother and reassure him that they would find a way to make things right, but he didn't. He knew he would only make things worse.

So the Elric brothers sat at opposite ends of the house, both miserable for reasons they understood perfectly, yet neither was able to do anything about it.

* * *

Sometimes Al wondered how different things would be if Ed still loved him. Probably, there wasn't much that would be different—they would still study and look for the Philosopher's Stone, they would probably still have discovered that the Homunculi were up to something sinister, and they would still work to fight against them. But he couldn't help wondering how different things would really be if Ed cared about him, rather than just grudgingly putting up with him sticking around.

When Greed kidnapped Al to interrogate him about soul transmutation, he wondered if Ed would come after him. He'd never had to wonder that before; whether he liked it or not, it had always been a given before that Ed would come charging to the rescue at the first sign of a threat to Al's safety. Instead, it was Izumi who came to rescue him and fight Greed. Ed didn't show up until later, after Izumi had gotten beaten up and seemed about to lose. And Al knew that Ed wouldn't have even shown up if not for her. He would have let his little brother get taken by a Homunculus and his band of chimeras, and wouldn't have even batted an eye.

He had to keep reminding himself that things used to be different. As days dragged on into weeks that slid into months, he became far too used to the new status quo. He stopped expecting Ed to worry about him, so when he came back from the east and discovered that Al had been in the hospital after his battle with Lust, it took Al a moment to understand the stricken look on Winry's face when Ed barely glanced at the bandages and didn't even ask if he was okay.

But strangely, Al never forgot to love his brother. It would have been understandable, maybe even expected, for him to respond to Ed in kind and stop caring about whether he was even breathing anymore. But no matter how badly Ed treated him, he still wanted to stay by his side and make sure he was okay. When Gluttony swallowed him whole, Al felt like the bottom had just fallen out of his whole world. How could he continue on without his brother? Because without Ed...well, what was the _point_ of anything? And when Ed finally emerged, bruised and battered but still whole, Al flung himself onto Ed and hugged him as hard as he could. It didn't matter that Ed swore at him and shoved him away and demanded to know why Al was so stupid that he couldn't figure out how to rescue them. As long as Ed was alive, he had a reason to live.

Besides, maybe he deserved all the abuse Ed threw at him. Maybe it was punishment—Equivalent Trade for all the mistakes and errors of judgment he'd made. He hadn't been a good enough brother in the past, so he was paying for it now. That was why he made no protest when Ed hit him, yelled at him, or just flat-out ignored him. He accepted it all, because he really was that bad of a brother, wasn't he? He had never helped Ed as much as he should have, and he caused Ed no end of stress. He hadn't even had the willpower or foresight to prevent Ed from making the two most ill-advised transmutations of their lives. So if Ed wanted to call him names or hit him a little harder than necessary when they sparred, it was only what he deserved.

All things considered, it was something of a relief when they parted ways in Briggs. He felt guilty when he realized how much easier it was to worry about Ed from afar—especially when he learned that Ed disappeared after a fight with Kimbley, and could neither be confirmed dead nor alive. But he reassured himself with the reminder that wherever Ed was—and he refused to believe he was dead—he would get along better with whoever his companions were than he would with his own brother.

He didn't see Ed again until the Promised Day. He was captured by Pride and Gluttony right outside of Risenpool, and dragged off to wait for the other human sacrifices to be gathered. He was greatly relieved to see Ed again, even though he insulted him as soon as he opened his mouth. At least Ed was alive. As long as there was life, there was hope.

While they fought their desperate battle against Father, there wasn't much time to spare to even _think_ of anything other than protecting as many of the people around him as possible. He lost track of Ed a few times throughout the battle, but then Father let out a blast of power that knocked everyone off their feet. He was losing control, staggering around in search of souls to use as fuel.

He stumbled directly towards Ed, who was pinned to a chunk of concrete, a steel pole poking right through his shoulder and pinning his left arm in place. His automail arm was in pieces. He couldn't clap, couldn't defend himself in any way. He was utterly helpless.

"Brother!" Al screamed, trying to shoot to his feet so he could race to Ed's defense. But then a blaze of pain rushed up his whole body, and for a moment he couldn't even see.

When he blinked the white haze away and looked down at his right leg, he almost passed out from the pain and horror. His leg was broken in three places, blood gushing out where the bones had broken through. It looked...beyond repair. There was no way he could make it to his feet, let alone his brother's side.

"Sir Alphonse..." Trembling and brushing away tears, Mei knelt by his side and began placing her little knives with shaking hands.

"Mei," he said, grasping her hand before she could start the transmutation. "Throw your knives over there—around my brother's right shoulder."

Mei looked down at his leg, then over at Ed, and she seemed to realize what he intended. "But..."

"Just do it!" he snapped, the harshest he had ever spoken to her. But he had no time to spare for politeness. It was all he could do just to stay conscious long enough to raise his arms. As soon as the knives hit their mark, he clapped his hands.

All the pain vanished as soon as he stepped through the enormous Doors, though his leg was still in pieces and he had to collapse to the floor. His brain told him he ought to be in excruciating pain, but he felt oddly numb. After all, pain didn't really matter anymore, did it?

"Well, well," said a familiar echoey voice. "Not here to buy your brother's love back?" A silhouette of nothingness stood before him, barely visible except for a very solid left leg and a very familiar right arm.

"I'm here to make a trade," Al said determinedly. "My leg for my brother's arm."

The Truth clicked a nonexistent tongue. "It hardly seems a fair trade when you offer me damaged goods."

"I don't think it should be a problem," another voice suddenly echoed from behind Al.

He twisted around to discover another silhouette against the blank surroundings, smiling as eerily as the other. But this one was completely blank, with no body parts taken from anyone else. And with a sudden flash of clarity, he understood: This was _his_ Truth, and the other belonged to Ed. The only reason he could see them both was that their Doors were linked, as Ed had explained.

"After all," Al's Truth continued, "I think you'll agree that Edward Elric has a bit of credit left over from last time."

The eternal grin faded from Ed's Truth's face, dissolving into a thoughtful frown. "Hmm...this _is_ an awful lot of love he gave up. Very well." The grin returned. "I accept the terms."

Ed's right arm flaked away into thin air, while Al's right leg dissolved and became attached to his Truth silhouette instead. Both turned their grins to him, halfway between creepy and encouraging. They said in unison, "Good luck, al-che-mist."

The sudden rush of pain as he returned to reality sent him crashing to his back with a scream. This time, he let Mei seal up his wound. She couldn't restore the leg he'd given up, but she could close the skin over his new stump and keep him from bleeding out.

With Mei's assistance, Al managed to sit up and watch the final duel between Ed and Father. His heart swelled with relief and pride as he watched his brother deliver the final blow, defeating their greatest enemy and saving all of Amestris—or even the world.

After cheering and laughing and hugging the nearest person they could find, some of Al's friends gathered around him to make sure he was okay. "Alphonse," Hohenheim said softly, "I...still have one soul left. Will you let me—"

"No!" Al cried with a glare. "I'm not interested in using someone else's life for my own convenience. Besides," he said, trying to smile even though the stump of his leg throbbed mercilessly, "there's something more important I have to fix first."

As if on cue, Ed walked over to see what the crowd was about. Sniffling, Mei explained what Al had done and showed him how Al's leg ended halfway down his thigh. If she'd expected a response to this, she was disappointed. Ed barely glanced at Al, shrugged, and wandered off in search of a medic to see to his shoulder.

Some of their friends looked at Al sympathetically, as if hoping to soothe him before he could start crying. But Al focused on what he had to do, now that Amestris was safe. Maybe it was because he'd seen the Truth again, but he knew now exactly what he had to do. He should have realized it sooner, but then, he'd always been a lousy brother, hadn't he? Maybe this would make up for part of it.

So even though his head was swimming from blood loss and the aftereffects of adrenaline, he just smiled and said, "This is it. My last transmutation."

And he clapped before anyone could stop him.

This time, even in the numbing void of the Truth, Al felt woozy and ached all over. He wondered if it had something to do with performing human transmutation twice in such quick succession. It was strenuous to both mind and body.

"Back again so soon," Ed's Truth said, though it didn't sound surprised. "And this time you _are_ here for your brother's love. A limb or two won't cut it this time, you know."

"That's not what I'm going to trade," Al said calmly. "I'll give you _this._ " He swung an arm back to indicate the huge ornately carved stone doors behind him.

"Oh? I'm not sure your alchemy is equivalent to the most important thing in your brother's life."

"But it's not," Al replied with a smile. "It's not the most important thing in his life. Not anymore."

For a moment, Ed's Truth fell silent. Then it grinned wider than ever. "You drive a hard bargain, Alphonse Elric. Very well."

"You won't be able to leave," Al's Truth said, watching as the door disintegrated before their eyes. "I hope you realize that."

"That's okay." As his Door of Truth disappeared, Al could feel the last of his strength slipping away with it. "My brother is more important anyway."

He sank to the ground and closed his eyes, a peaceful smile on his lips.

* * *

It was just like when he had gotten his body back. Al was vaguely aware of movement, and the buzz of worried voices, but the first thing he was fully conscious of was the beeping of machines in a hospital room.

When he opened his eyes, a nurse bustled over to check his vitals. The room was empty like before, but at least he was stronger than he had been when he was new to his body. "Where's my brother?"

For a moment, he was sure she was going to say that she didn't know who his brother was, but a Colonel Mustang left his emergency contact information. Instead, she said, "He's just outside in the hall. I'll get him for you."

Al waited breathlessly until Ed stepped through the door, his heart thumping nervously. The Truth had seemed to accept his trade, but this was such a strange kind of alchemy. There was no guarantee it had worked as he thought it would.

Ed dragged his feet behind the nurse, stopping reluctantly at the foot of Al's bed. His left shoulder was bandaged and his arm was in a sling, but other than that he looked unharmed. His right arm was stick-thin, but it was _real._ He kept his head down, his bangs covering his face, as if he couldn't bear to look at Al.

"Hi, Brother," Al said timidly as the nurse left them alone. "How are you feeling?"

To his surprise, Ed suddenly burst into tears and sank to his knees, covering his face with his shaky right hand. "I'm sorry!" he gasped, hardly able to draw breath in between his sobs.

"For what?" He desperately wanted to get down there and help Ed, but knew he would be more hindrance than help with only one leg.

"For...For e-everything," Ed choked. "I've treated you so horribly for so long... I j-just wanted you to know that I'm sorry... B-But I know you won't forgive me, and that's okay 'cause I don't deserve—"

"Too bad," Al interrupted as tears filled his own eyes, "'cause I already forgave you."

At last, Ed looked up and met Al's gaze. His face was red, streaked with tears, and screwed up with as much pain as he showed when his automail was attached. He swiped his hand across his eyes, though it did little to staunch the flow of tears. "I love you, Alphonse. I love you more than anything in the whole wide world."

Ever since he had gotten his body back, Al had longed to hear those words. He had wished they would be true. Always before, Ed had been reluctant and awkward about putting it into words, and Al had been forced to decipher that message from the things his brother did. Now he said it straight out, no beating around the bush. He looked right into Al's eyes and said it with such fervent honesty that Al couldn't be left with any shred of doubt.

"Brother..."

Ed pushed himself to his feet and stepped forward, raising his right arm to hug Al. But Al's body responded with the terrible instinct he'd developed over the past year. He shrank away, throwing up his hands to ward off a blow that never came. The brothers froze, staring at each other, realizing for the first time the true extent of what they'd given up for each other. Ed stumbled back and plopped into a chair, face ashen.

Al hastily dropped his arms again, gripping the sheets to keep them at his sides. "No... I'm sorry..."

" _You're_ sorry?" Ed looked like he was going to be sick. He surged back to his feet and turned to the door. "I should go..."

"No, wait!" Al had a horrible feeling that if he let Ed walk out that door, they would never be able to restore their relationship to what it had once been. "Brother, please... I-It's been so long..." The ache he had felt ever since he had first woken up as a suit of armor lodged in his throat as he whispered, "Hold me..."

Ed froze with his hand on the doorknob, then slowly turned to look back. He sniffed and mopped at his eyes again, then returned to the bedside. Using slow, hesitant movements, he raised his right arm again and slid it across Al's shoulders. It was an awkward hug, with Ed bending over as if trying to touch him as little as possible. But Al wasn't satisfied with that. He wrapped his arms around Ed's waist and pulled him in close, burying his face in his brother's chest.

This was the first time in almost six years that he'd felt his brother's arms around him. He didn't mind that Ed could only use _one_ arm either. Once he eased into the embrace, Ed clung to him with all the strength in his frail right arm, as if Al were the only thing holding him over an endless abyss. His chest heaved with sobs as he seemed to shed all the tears he'd been bottling up since their mother died.

"I'm sorry, brother... I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay," Al said, rubbing Ed's back in soothing circles. "It's...It's over now..."

Eventually, Ed joined him in the bed. For a long time, it was all they could do to hold each other and cry—cry for the pain they'd endured for so long, cry for the overwhelming relief they felt now. But finally, they sat side-by-side, Al snuggled up under Ed's free arm, his head resting where he could hear Ed's steady heartbeat. Ed ran his fingers through Al's hair, exactly the way he liked it best. They both were silent for a long time except for the occasional sniffle.

Finally Ed broke the exhausted silence. "I wish you hadn't had to give up so much," he said. "You always seem to get the short end of the stick."

"It was to get you back to normal," Al said, closing his itchy eyes wearily. All he wanted now was to fall asleep like this, and wake with his brother at his side. "It was worth it. Besides, I'm a pretty lousy brother anyway, so I kind of deserved it..."

"What?"

Al had been about to drift off, but Ed's sharp tone as he jerked upright startled Al fully awake. He looked up in surprise, then hunched his shoulders defensively when he saw the livid expression on Ed's face.

"What makes you think you're a lousy brother?" he demanded.

Al shrugged miserably and picked at a thread coming loose from the seam of his sheet. "Well...it's true, isn't it? I'm always a burden. You're always having to take care of me, sacrifice for me...and look. I can't even figure out how to fix you. It took me this long just to figure out how to get your love back, and I couldn't even get both of your limbs back in the end. Now I'll never be able to do it, without any more alchemy."

"But Al...none of that matters," Ed said, putting his hand over Al's to get him to stop. "Don't you get it? I never wanted my limbs back. Not really. I just wanted you to be with me."

"But I—"

"No buts." Ed pushed Al's jaw closed with two fingers, then tipped Al's head back a little so they could look eye to eye. "I treated you terribly for a year, and I know I couldn't really help it, but you still put up with me through everything. No matter how awful I was, you never left me. Not only that, you gave up your leg to save my life, when you _knew_ I wouldn't even thank you for it. And then you sacrificed the most important thing in your life to give me back something I never realized I could miss so much."

He combed the bangs back from Al's face and gazed at him with a smile as warm as the sun. "Alphonse Elric, you're the best little brother anyone could ever ask for."

A breathless wave of warmth surged through him, and he snuggled down against his brother's chest again with a smile. "Alchemy's not the most important thing in my life, Brother."

 _You picked me up when I was ready to fall  
You showed me love when I was sick of it all  
But you kept holding on  
While I was letting go_

 _\- "Let Me Let You Go" by Lovers and Liars_


End file.
